Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
