I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
