his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
