bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
