Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
