well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
