I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I would ride that face into the sunset
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
