I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We got so high we made milksteak
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You did what with his pubic hair?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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