If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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