I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
