I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
