she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
