Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
