How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My life is pants optional.
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