..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
