So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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