You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You took a bar mat shot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
