**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
