Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
