Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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