My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
