i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
