Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
