I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
