She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
50% drunk capacity currently
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
