i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
