i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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