If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
