we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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