I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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