Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
either way he was missing a nipple.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
