do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
