Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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