Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
