Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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