I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
