Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
