apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
