I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I love you. Go after that dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
