I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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