five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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