tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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