At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
