dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
