I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
