so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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