So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
