hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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