lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
