Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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