RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
