never play flip cup with pint glasses
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
