Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
