Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
