How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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